Femininity in Athleticism: Self Portrait Series

I'm currently in my senior photography portfolio class and it's been a wonderful challenge that has been helping me question what I want to say with my photos and what my work is doing for the world. As has been the case for the past few months, I'm exploring the balance of femininity and athleticism more deeply.

This series of self portraits was my take on a fashion editorial with a fine art/storytelling take. I've decided to share this as a work-in-progress as this series is just the beginning of more complex explorations I'm doing into this topic. This series helped show me that I need to get more experimental with my documenting. I'm happy with the results but feeling excited and anxious to work more. Since this shoot, I've been working a lot with writing, audio recordings, photographs and scans, as I try to use more multi-media elements.

Below is an excerpt of a piece of writing I'm working on to accompany the visual explorations.

"The mind-body connection of someone training intensely is deeply abstract while being rooted in hard and fast numbers, evidence of perseverance. I can run a mile and guess within a second how long I took. I’m more aware of my VO2 max than my grades, and I have become acutely aware of every ache and pain and adrenaline rush I experience. 

And yet, I look down at my legs in doubt. Not because of what they can or can't do, but rather because of what they are or are not. Muscular, scarred, toned, slender, thunderous. All these judgements that in theory are uplifting, but in actuality create a cacophony of self doubt. I can run a mile in under five and half minutes, but how do I look in those shorts? 

The dance between elite athleticism and feminine expression is one I’ve learned and unlearned a million times. Those two expressions are one in the same to me, and yet they feel so separate in society. I feel like my most powerful self, a fearless, independent, fully realized woman, when I’m running my absolute hardest. It’s a spiritual practice in using everything I’ve been given and putting all of it to work."